Middle vs. Elementary

X finishes 6th grade next week. Her first year of middle school. My first year of parenting a middle schooler. There is a lot to say about each.

I have almost no involvement with the school--maybe none, outside of writing emails to a couple of teacher beseeching them for extra time for X's project. Or saying that we agree, she should not be making faces at you during class. I put it this way: "We have reminded X not to let her face betray her emotions." In other words, "your class is pretty darn boring and X thinks you talk down to the kids, but we've asked her to act otherwise." (I do not blame the teacher, here; she is just doing her job the best she knows how and it probably works just fine for most of her students.)

I am not so good at acting otherwise, myself. In fact, about 10 years ago, I decided I would walk out of any meeting that made me physically uncomfortable. I have had to excuse myself a few times. And I was probably rolling my eyes way before I got out of there.

Anyway, back to school involvement. As my long time readers (hey, my only readers!) know, I was an activist back at X's elementary school in San Francisco. Looking back, I think I was flipping from mania to depression, fueled by the dual sense of power and futility that comes with working closely with a small, struggling elementary school. My lasting impression: I was more involved in the school than in my child's education. Part of that was because, as I have written, we saw that school as our family' social justice project. So, I wanted to see all kids get exposure to art the way that X had. Unfortunately, X didn't much like the "artists in residence" who were ultimately hired.

I burned a few bridges too. More than in my professional life, where I am a little cautious to maintain relationships (usually), I would cross whatever lines I had to get the programs I wanted at a cost we could afford. I still have mixed feelings about that.

Earlier this year, I was forwarded an email from the current PTA at X's elementary school. Of course, this PTA has its own priorities, and they are dismantling most of what I worked to build. I know from my day job that no one person alone can make lasting change in a school. But still I tried. The changes are inevitable, and from my new vantage point, are less painful than they might be.

This year, my focus was on X, helping her make it through that first year. Even though we purposefully chose this school because its homework requirements were less than at some "magnet" schools, it was still a challenge for her to get her work done. Many nights, my job was to sit next to her as she struggled to get words onto paper for yet another book review or report on world culture. And I sympathize; I too struggle to get words on paper. Anyway, supporting her that way was much more satisfying than coaching her on keeping her emotions to herself, how ever useful a tool that may be.

X reports that middle school is hard and kids should not have to do so much work when they are kids--similar to her theme in elementary. She's pretty convincing. On the plus side, she has a circle of 11 friends (we counted them last night) and the parties and overnights that come with that. She's had good experiences through the "Gifted and Talented" club, and has enjoyed school dances and such. Those things mean a lot to her--and therefore, to me.